weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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