Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
