Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
