she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
