she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
