Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
