Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
