are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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