Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
