just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was like eating out sand paper
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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