Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
