Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
