i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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