You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
