i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
