Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
