You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
