Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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