i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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