You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
