Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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