So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
