we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Someone signed my nipple.
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