you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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