right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
