im about as happy as oj after his trial
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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