do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
