I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
