Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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