just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
