I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
