Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
