I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
