Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
