I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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