So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
