You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
