Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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