Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
