Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
