new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
