Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I supernannyed him into submission
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
