I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
