After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
