You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I could fuck to npr.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
