I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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