forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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