woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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