I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
