sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
