Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
