Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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