Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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