I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize