ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
