ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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