this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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