Say something about gay babies.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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