we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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