i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The adults are the big ones right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
