She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize