Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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