Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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