Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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