She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
