we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
