You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
