So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
