I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
