I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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