dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
